New
Shakespeare Birthday Insults Card
$7.99
Because "Happy Birthday" is far too ordinary for someone who appreciates the finer things in life — like a well-crafted insult delivered in Early Modern English. The Shakespeare Birthday Insults Card is the wittiest card in the room, and it knows it.
1,000 Ways to Wound with Words
Crafted using authentic terms drawn straight from Shakespeare's plays, this clever card offers 1,000 possible combinations of witty verbal swordplay. Every reading is a little different, every insult a little more delicious. The Bard himself would approve.
Flip It Over for the Comebacks
On the reverse, recipients discover a selection of possible responses to being told "Happy Birthday" — including the eternally relatable I was promised a pony ride, the quietly dignified I've chosen to stop growing older, and the universally correct less talk, more PRESENTS. It's the perfect card for someone who has opinions about their birthday.
The Details
Blank interior for your own message — inspired or otherwise. Measuring 10.8 × 14 cm, printed on matte white cover paper, and made in the USA by The Raccoon Society.
Perfect For
Shakespeare lovers, fans of clever humour, literature enthusiasts, and anyone whose friends are sophisticated enough to appreciate being insulted in iambic pentameter.